Thursday, May 22, 2008

Consider Forgiveness...

I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately, mostly because I'm reading a book about it (Forgiveness: Theory, Research, and Practice, by M. McCullogh and others, 2001). Actually, some of the book is kind of boring (I'm reading it for continuing education credit), but it's mostly pretty interesting. So in preparing to write some of my thoughts on the subject, I reviewed some of my earlier bloggings (I'm not sure "bloggings" is a word, but "blog" just became a word itself!). And I've written about it a few times last year: "Give Peace a Chance," July 15 2007; "All You Need Is Love," Sept. 22 2007; and in my response to comments, I wrote "Forgiveness, Easier Said Than Done," Oct. 1 2007. I was not aware I had given this subject so much attention. This will not be about how to fogive, or the effect of it on relationships as these subjects are covered in my previous bloggings (sorry, I had to use that 'word' again). This is more about the effects on you, and your happiness. I will try not to repeat myself, but obviously there's more to be said on the subject of Forgiveness. Consider this...



Scientific evidence proves, no, let's say strongly suggests that forgiving others has positive effects on your health and well-being. However, there may be certain aspects of our life that are currently influenced by personal views/beliefs that were developed from situations, or information that we've received. Consciously or not, we may hold resentments, fears, even anger towards individuals, or groups of individuals who may seem to have hurt us or people we care about. We therefore try to avoid these individuals, or treat them without the care and respect that we treat others with. In worse cases, we may pass this on to our kids and cause them confusion when dealing with these people (that we may or may not know personally). Of course this is how negative stereotypes develop. Also how negative expectations of people develop, and perhaps cause us to miss out on a beneficial relationship. For example, some people hate men. And of course there are men out there who do bad things, but to project that on to all of us is going to negatively influence those relationships.



If there are certain attitudes that you hold towards others (personally known to you or not), that tend to arouse negative emotions in you, consider forgiveness as an option to relieve yourself of some of the obstacles to your happiness. As I've said before, forgiveness is not always an option. If your resentments, even anger, interfere in your life in some way(s), and the object of those feelings is not actively continuing to hurt you, then it is time to consider it. I am not suggesting that you "forgive and forget." "Forgetting" may leave you vulnerable to similar situations in the future. Forgiveness relieves a specific emotional burden, and hopefully will bring you a few steps closer to the good health, peace of mind, and happiness that you seek.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I would like to say that it is amazing how you can always seem to hit the nail on the head so to speak... I guess that's why you are the doctor :). I think I have forgiven him but I can never forget. I think not being able to forget is what is not allowing me to love him and trust him fully. I WILL NOT allow him to hurt me ever again, and knowing and having my guard up is preventing me to love as much as I was once capable of. Honestly just between us, I am afraid of leaving him and then longing for him to be back in life but then cannot have him. I want things to work but not if I have to go back to the old me. That's who he's more comfortable with, the old me. The old me didn't stand up to him and speak up for herself. Now I am the "independent one"(his words). I am learning though, with the help and support from you. I CANNOT SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE OFFERED TO MY MARRIAGE AND MY LIFE. You are truly a God send....

Can you guess who I am?? :)