This is a difficult time of the year for people who are grieving the loss of a loved one or a relationship. That this is considered a time of celebration and joy, sometimes makes it more stressful for those people who are sad about not being able to share the holiday with people they've been with in the past. Theories about stages of grief can help explain the variety of feelings that one experiences in response to a loss. You may be sad, then angry, confused or lost, as you try to adjust to a world without the person you are missing. There is no specific time frame that determines how long one is to grieve. You may feel that a few months, or a few years is enough to "get over it," or maybe people close to you try to suggest that. My feeling is that you have to take as long as you need. That the "stages" don't necessarily happen in order, nor do they necessarily dictate what you "should" be feeling at any particular time. Feelings can be triggered by situations, memories, something someone says or does, or just by it being a moment of downtime for you. Planning an activity can help you survive this process without disabling pain and anguish.
Here are some of the things I typically suggest to people struggling with grief during the holidays. It does not help (long term) to try to avoid the feelings altogether. However allowing yourself to be lost in them for long periods of time can increase your suffering. It makes sense to give yourself time to engage the feelings, to allow yourself to feel the sadness, hurt, or anger. If possible allot yourself a limited amount of time to explore these feelings, and then have some other activity planned to distract you for a while. This can be daily if necessary. If you know you'll have time to attend to those feelings, they won't interrupt the rest of your life as much. It is very helpful if you have someone to talk to about your grief, as well as if you have people to spend time with and not talk about it. I think having other people around for emotional support is the best thing you can do. Also journaling helps a lot. You have the opportunity to get some of the feelings out, and not get overwhelmed by them building up inside. My goal in doing grief work is to help people move from the hurt that comes from memories of lost relationships, to enjoying pleasant memories of that person or relationship. Photos can help facilitate this process.
I know that this is a difficult process. But it is a very important one. Especially important for kids too, as they often don't know how to handle these feelings. They tend to follow your lead. Please be mindful of that. Encourage them to talk IF THEY WANT TO. Check in on them, especially if they seem preoccupied, or sad. Finally, plan to have some enjoyable time. That is important for you and your family.
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