1. Be sure you want a date.
Often people think they do want someone but may not yet be resolved about a past relationship (maybe anger, trust issues, etc.). If that is the case it's going to be difficult to welcome someone new into your life. We also tend to project that ambivalence to others, making it less likely that someone will approach us. On the other hand, it's important to KNOW that you are looking for a "date" and not a spouse. You'll tend to dismiss potential dates who may not "measure up" as someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Even if marriage is your long term goal, get a date first. Get to know them. Then (maybe) consider their potential as a partner.
2. Visualize Mr. or Ms. Right.
The better that you can visualize the person that you want to be with, the more likely you will meet them. This is not magic (although it can certainly feel like it), it just makes sense. If you know who you're looking for, you'll more easily recognize and be motivated to connect with that person. Also, you will send out a vibe that attracts that person to you. That is, when interacting with this person you will be more relaxed and comfortable, project and invite interest (ie. smile more, make good eye contact, feel and appear to be more confident, etc), and listen better. All of this makes it more likely that you'll make a connection, with the right person.
3. Pay Attention. Make Eye Contact. Smile.
Now that you know who you're looking for, it's important to be mindful of your goal in the various social situations that you find yourself in. And just about everything you do outside of your home is in a "social situation". When you are out pay attention to the people that you come into contact with. Project confidence (even if it is an act right now). Get into the habit of making eye contact with people. And smile more. Smiles are more inviting than frowns or the impersonal ("stay away") look most of us walk around with.
You have to be patient. It will be worth the time that you have to put in to find a good date. We've all been on bad dates. They are the opposite of fun! Practice paying attention to people who notice you. Practice making eye contact, saving your smile until you feel more comfortable (and confident) sending out that kind of invitation.
4. Go Ahead And Meet People.
The bar scene is not for everyone. And you really can meet people anywhere. Let's first address the internet. I have known people who have had success with dating sites (for example, Match.com and eHarmony), or the various social networks (for example, Facebook and MySpace ). Just because they weren't around in our earlier dating days is not a good reason not to trust it. But of course, be careful. Other places to explore are bookstores (sit, read, and be seen), Starbucks,the beach (many beautiful sights out there), bowling, skating, dog parks, the mall, etc., etc.
5. Be Careful. (Don't Trust Love At First Sight
Don't fall in love too quickly. Trust your gut feelings, and pay attention to "red flags". Of course, the "right" date is going to be fun. He or she may be a good listener, seem caring, and feel good. That is a great start, but you have got to get to know them. Give yourself AT LEAST six (6) months before "falling in love." The effort that you put in now will pay off later!
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