GET KNOCKED DOWN? YOU GOTTA GET BACK UP.

A lot of people I know, including people I've worked with have suffered through events and situations that were traumatizing for them. They've been knocked down by life. People have lost loved ones, or relationships; lost their jobs, their homes, their savings. A lot of loss. Some of us have suffered through severe illnesses (our own, a friend's, or a family members). We also sometimes get bad news, that throws us for a loop. Life can be really hard to manage sometimes. It can feel like too much. How do you deal with it?


You have got to get back up. Here's how: (with some help from the November issue of AARP Magazine)


1. Give yourself time to grieve. Don't rush through it. The pain is difficult, but necessary. Talk to people. Write in a journal. Engage the sadness, anger, betrayal that you may feel, but don't allow it to engulf you. Allow yourself some distractions.


2. Rely on others. Use a support system of friends, family, your church, support groups (including online) to help you through the hard times. Consider counseling. A burden is more manageable when others help carry it.


3. Learn to be optimistic. People who think positively, and are optimistic tend to recover faster from tragedy. [see my postings, When Life Gives You Lemons, 8/28/08; The Glass Is Not Empty, 3/11/08]


4. Develop your spirituality. People who are active in a religious faith, have an sense of a higher good, or are in touch with spiritual values are usually more resilient.


5. Exercise, eat healthy, and be good to yourself. Play more.


6. Give back. People who give back to their community (by volunteering, giving to charity, etc.) are typically happier, and live longer.


7. Pick your battles. Focus on the things that you can change, and don't spend time on the things that you can't control.


Resiliency is "the ability to rebound... from a crisis or trauma." Some people are born with more of a capacity for this. Others of us have to learn it. Children tend to be more naturally resilient. However, there may be events that are traumatic for them, which wouldn't necessarily be for adults. Like moving, seeing or being involved in an accident, hospital stays, loss of a pet. They may not know to ask for help, but you've got to help them adjust. Know that there is life after the pain. Negative events can often present an opportunity to grow, to become a better person.

For an inspiring case study of this subject read Resilience, by Alonzo Mourning.