Take A Moment, ... BREATHE (And RELAX)!

Take a minute, now while you're reading this, to take a breath. Slowly into your stomach. Your lungs extend down about to your navel, so to fill them with air you expand your stomach. This type of breathing is different than how we usually breathe. What I call Relaxation Breathing (more formally called diaphragmatic breathing), fills your lungs causing them to expand. Breathe slowly and deeply into your stomach. You push your belly out when you inhale, and then flatten it as you exhale (pushing the air out out of your lungs). This type of breathing forces your body to relax.

I do this as often as possible, because I, like most people don't usually use our lungs much when we breathe. I recommend it to people whenever I can. It helps counteract the effects of stress. I mean, it slows down your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure, gets more oxygen to your brain, and generally improves your health. This Relaxation Breathing helps you control anxiety (and anxiety attacks), get to sleep, manage your anger better, improve focus and concentration, get rid of headaches and helps fix the symptoms of some of those more serious stress related ailments (including obsessive thinking, irritable bowel syndrome, ulcers, hypertension, pain, ADHD, and more).

It seems to me to be one of the simplest things to do to improve your health, and your life. But you have to practice it. I know you breathe all the time (hopefully), but daily stress causes us to restrict our breathing. Notice how an infant breathes when asleep, as if their whole body is expanding and contracting. This is how we all started out. Try it whenever you can. It's one of those easy things like drinking water (to clean out body toxins) and walking (exercise) that there really is no excuse for not doing. Go ahead, BREATHE. And if you happen to yawn afterwards, that's your body thanking you!

Here is a video demonstration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSjHha1fgF0&feature=email

BEWARE HOLIDAY STRESS...

I talk (and write) a lot about managing stress. And by now you know the reason for that, which is that it can contribute to problems with health, relationships, and just about any other aspect of your life. I think that a lot of people are not as prepared as they should be for the stress that comes with the holidays. I want to help with that. I do love these holidays for a lot of reasons, mainly because it's an opportunity to celebrate. But we are all affected by the stress that can accompany the "good time." Thanksgiving for example. A time for us to "give thanks". If you are unhappy in your life, the holiday can tend to emphasize that there seems to be very little to be thankful for. Christmas too. Everyone's supposed to be happy, sing songs, and give gifts. Aside from the annoying over-commercialization of the holiday, if things are not going your way its hard to feel the Spirit. So, the answer is to take these holidays as an opportunity to escape reality (which I rarely suggest), and enjoy.

I know, easier said than done. Let me talk more about some of the specific stresses of the holidays, and make some suggestions about how to handle them. For example, a big issue for some people is getting together with family to "celebrate." Somehow these gatherings become a time to relive some of the old family drama. Not fun to look forward to, and not fun to live through. You've got to have some kind of family truce for the holiday. Plan this before hand, because once in action, the family "forces" are sometimes too strong to resist. Just be aware if the conversation starts heading towards a sensitive topic, change the subject; or take that time to go get yourself some cider. All you can really do is control your role in it.

You may not have the opportunity to avoid holiday family scuffles because you don't have any family around. Find friends to spend the time with. Do something fun! Another stressful situation that some people deal with is spending these holidays without a loved one who's been lost. Holiday times tend to trigger memories of family celebrations, and emphasize the absence of someone you spent past holidays with. Try not to focus on their absence (though it makes sense to acknowledge the sadness, but not to dwell on it), but focus more on the enjoyable memory. Use old photos to stir up those memories. Smile. The idea is to take these opportunities to be happy about family and friends. Give Thanks even.... 

Take this time to be more tolerant of people, more forgiving, less angry. Stress tends to make people less patient and tolerant.  Be mindful of this, and actively work to maintain your inner peace.  This will help relieve your stress in a big way. Whatever your religious or non-religious persuasion this is a good time to focus on the positive aspects of the Season, and live the Spirit. 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I want your 2012 to be happy, yes.  But I also want it to be healthy, prosperous, fun, and everything good.  I'm not talking about "resolutions" this year.  I'm revisiting last years'. I've written about resolutions in some of my previous posts ('Twas The Night After Christmas, Part 1 - 12/2/07, Part 2 - 12/12/07; A New Year's Jingle - 12/22/08; No Resolutions For 2010 - 1/1/10; 2011 - 12/12/10).  


I want this to be a Mindful 2012 for me, and I recommend it for you.  To be more aware of things that I sometimes do automatically, including my emotional reactions. I'm going to slow...it...down.  I found this poem in the book The 4-Hour Workweek (by Timothy Ferris), written by a psychologist David Weatherford.  It describes my goal for this year.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

on a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

on the fly?

When you ask: How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,

do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste 

Not see his sorrow.

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say, "Hi"?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower.

Hear the music

Before the song's over.

PPAJJYM95SK4

OCCUPY YOUR MIND (no politics)

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I participated in the "Occupy Ft. Lauderdale" demonstration in downtown Ft. Lauderdale.  It turned out to be a lot of fun (I think that's the word), for several reasons.  Political beliefs aside, it felt good to have an outlet for some of the anger I've felt during this difficult economic time.  It was exciting to be a part of a real cause, and feel like my voice was being heard, in a movement that represents most Americans.  It was thrilling for drivers to ride by beeping their horns and encouraging the group of a couple of hundred people.  "No comment" on the guys that gave us the finger (though that was kind of funny).  I was energized.


Those of you who are feeling blah about your life sometimes need to find some things to energize you.  My suggestion, based on my recent experiences, is to find something that you believe in and participate in it.  It's especially invigorating if there are other people involved.  Something about a group of people all directing a positive energy towards something they all believe in magnifies the individual energy that you feel.  Religious activities demonstrate that.  Concerts.  The feelings that are generated trigger the release of hormones (and other chemicals in the brain) that make you feel good.


Other activities to occupy your mind with include volunteering, charity work, giving to and helping others.  So, in addition to your exercise, hobbies, healthy relationships, this is a way to expand your interests and enjoy life more.

STRESS LESS MONDAYS

For many of us Monday is the most stressful day of the week, especially at work. We start to anticipate it and stress about it on Sunday night. It's automatic, a habit we've developed over years and years of Monday stressing. I think we can't make it a stressless day, but I know we can learn to stress less.

What's important is to change the way we think about Mondays. This may be hard because EVERYBODY seems to expect Mondays to be bad. What we focus on and anticipate often become real (especially negative anticipation). For example, if you expect to have a bad day you usually do. Let's start by anticipating 1 good thing to happen on Monday. Then plan it and make it happen. It will be something positive to look forward to.

Plan a special lunch, dinner, or other activity after work. Find 1 small thing to do differently at work, maybe make a bothersome office relationship more enjoyable (or just less annoying). Once you set your mind to changing how you experience the day, maybe Monday can be Fun Day. Ok, that may be asking a bit too much. But at least you can stress less.

Find other Stress Less Monday tips on our Facebook page

(click: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Freels-Mental-Health-group/155186571209581 ) on Mondays.

Childhood Stress (Part 2: for Teenagers)

Grown-ups are often reluctant to acknowledge that young people get stressed too. Maybe partly because grown-ups, including parents sometimes contribute to your stress. It's interesting that they can also help you relieve that stress, if they make themselves available, and listen to you without criticizing. You have to do your part, though. Learn what stresses you. For example peer pressure to do things that may not be good for you; school and tests, if you're not prepared; parents treating you like you are younger than you are, or expecting too much from you; and other things that upset you. Learn what stress does to you. It can make you sick. Make you do things without thinking them through first, or without considering the consequences (like getting into trouble). Make you mad at people that may have nothing to do with the situation. Stress can make you try to escape through drugs/alcohol or unhealthy activities. Yes, stress can be messed up. But you CAN handle it.

Before you let stress get the best of you, figure out how to handle it better. Choose your friends carefully. If you notice them bringing you down constantly or trying to pull you into situations that you know are not good for you, dump them. Take responsibility for yourself, what you say and do. Followers are more stressed. Have people in your life that you trust. They'll help you see different possible ways to deal with problems. Some parents, or other adults are good for this. Know that you are important, valuable even. So you deserve to be healthy, and happy. If you are not, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. Also people who think positively, are less stressed and more successful. Focus on your strengths, even though people around you may try to point out your faults. Those things that challenge you (and stress you), are opportunities for you to be stronger. You may be surprised at how good you can really be.

Childhood Stress (Part 1: for Parents)

Yes, kids do have stress. And it is important to pay attention to it for some very good reasons. Including being able to help them learn to manage it healthily. As well as helping children avoid some of the negative effects of stress, including health problems (or making health conditions worse), delinquent behavior, alcohol and drug use, poor academic performance, and other behavior problems. I would say that over 90% of the children I've treated over the past 25 years presented with problems caused or exacerbated by stress in their lives. Children react to family crises, deaths, severe illness, and other traumatic events. However, they are also effected by the stress of family conflict, peer pressure, parental rules and expectations, school work and tests, and much more. Recall the stress of our childhoods. Similar to what effects children today in society (wars, crime, etc.), amplified by the media (and 24-hour per day news reporting), computers and the Internet.

Communication with your child gives them an outlet, and an opportunity to process their thoughts and feelings with someone they trust. Learn to listen to your children starting early. Situations will stress them differently as they grow. They need to have you available to them throughout their childhood and teenage years. Otherwise, certainly by the time they're teenagers, they will look for their answers outside of the home. Look for these signs of poor stress management: tantrums or other angry outbursts, declining grades, behavior problems (at school, home or the community), frequent health problems, drug or alcohol use, bad dreams or other sleep disturbance, bed wetting. Help your child by teaching them to relax, get exercise, eat and drink right, develop diverse interests, develop good study habits, learn to consider the consequences of their behavior, be age appropriately responsible for what they do and say. Of course, if you manage your stress well, and value the importance of stress management, you will be a good role model.

Next posting: Childhood Stress (Part 2: For Teenagers)

STRESS, ...HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH YET?

I bet you think I write a lot about stress and stress management. [Stress, It Adds Up, 9/28/08; Change Your Mind, 5/10/08; Managing Job Related Stress, 4/10/08; Happy Holidays?, 10/18/07; Take A Moment,... Breathe, 10/10/07; A Happy Marriage Helps Relieve Stress, 6/25/07; Childhood Stress, 4/15/07 & 4/24/07; Managing Stress At The Job, 3/16/07] Well, I guess I do. It's for a good reason. There's so much of it in our lives. And it effects us a lot. But how can you tell when you've had too much? Well, that one's easy. You get sick. You get headaches, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, skin rashes, anxiety, depression, various addictions, etc. Of course, I could go on. But you get the point. Too much stress will killya! You can postpone that with medicines. And then more medicines to treat the side effects of the other medicines. But why wait until it's too late? We have to be aware of the less obvious signs that your stress level is getting dangerous for your health, BEFORE YOU GET SICK. You've got to know when you've had enough!



You know stress is starting to effect you when,... you start to argue more; get angry quicker and about little things; you are more and more distracted at work; get more forgetful ("Honey, where did I put my keys?"); become more accident prone; start drinking, smoking, or eating more; you feel more tired; sleep is more restless, or you start having more bad dreams; you worry more about everything; you may develop fears, or old ones may resurface. I could go on and on. But that's probably ENOUGH! What do you do about it? You mostly know (and there's a list above to refer to). The important thing is to USE WHAT YOU KNOW. One thing I will mention is that you have to take your vacations (and not just the long weekends). In Europe they get 1 to 2 months paid vacations. We average about a week. Guess who lives longer. Stress effects us every day.You've had enough.

Our prayers go out to the family of Senator Edward Kennedy who died this past week.

Change Your Mind... (Managing Job Stress, part 2)

I wrote last time about changing some of your behaviors to reduce stress in your life, and manage your job stress better. There are some things that you can think about differently at work, which will make your job (and your life) more enjoyable. Could you believe that you could enjoy your job, instead of just suffering through it everyday? You definitely can. These are some of the things that I try to do, and that I suggest to people trying to manage their job stress better. (from Don't Stress The Small Stuff at Work, by Richard Carlson).

1. Dare To Be Happy. Most of us wish we didn't have to work. Fortunately you have a job, enjoy it. People often assume that someone who is relaxed or happy at work must not be a hard worker, or lacks motivation. Happy people are usually highly motivated, creative, enthusiastic, and fun to be around. Give it a try. Don't worry, be happy!


2. Create a Bridge Between Your Spirituality and Your Work. Take the essence of who you are and what you believe into your daily work. If kindness, patience, honesty, forgiveness, and generosity are spiritual qualities that you believe in, make an effort to practice these qualities at work. Even if you must reprimand or confront someone, do it with love and respect.


3. Examine Your Rituals and Habits (And Be Willing To Change Some Of Them). Sometimes our habits (which we may not even be aware of) cause us additional stress. For example, always being in a hurry, drinking too much caffeine and feeling nervous a lot, being grumpy in the morning instead of friendly to the people you work with, going to bed too late or too early, etc. See if it helps to change them.


4. Pat Yourself On The Back. Your mistakes get pointed out enough. Give yourself credit for the good stuff that you do.


5. Recover Quickly. We all mess up sometimes. It's important that you recover quickly, and learn from your mistakes.


6. Let go of battles that can't be won. Continuously beating your head against the wall will only give you a headache.


7. Don't Let Your Own Thoughts Stress You Out. We sometimes forget that thoughts are only thoughts, not reality. Our worries can stress us out just like the real thing. Also our worries interfere with our focus and concentration.

Think about changing your mindset regarding your job. Try making a small change, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Managing Job Related Stress (part 1)

This is a subject that we've all got to deal with. Including those of us who are looking for a job. This topic includes dealing with the stress of managing relationships at work, including doing the job itself (of course some jobs are more stressful than others), and, what many of us are not as aware of, the stress related to your job that occurs outside of the work place. These are things like scheduling (for example juggling meals, appointments, the kids' activities, etc.), commuting, managing finances, level of personal job satisfaction. To a large extent our lives can revolve around our jobs. And for the most part, we're happy to have one, but the stress adds up.


A BIG concern for me when working with a client suffering from job stress (I do a lot of Employee Assistance Program counseling), is determining if their job IS their life (and their life IS their job). This can be a big part of their problem because it means that if the job situation goes bad, then their life goes bad. As opposed to having a life outside of their job, which can allow them some outlets, and provide them some support when they need it. My first recommendation is to find some enjoyable activities outside of work. This provides stress relief. An important part of this is the relationships that you have outside of work. A loving enjoyable relationship with a partner, or a happy family life, adds so much to your life. You can come home and get rejuvenated. You end up not taking your work so seriously. Of course, if you have a stressful family life, it makes things ten times worse. You can end up going to work to escape your home-life stress. You have to fix that.


The phrase "get a life" has a lot of significance especially if you have a lot of job related stress. Exercise, get a hobby, go to the beach, get some friends to spend time with, and by all means USE YOUR VACATION TIME.


In future postings I'll discuss how to manage stress at work (for now take a look at what I wrote on 3/16/07, Managing Stress At The Job), as well as describe some of the effects on your health and life, of not managing your job-related stress well. And as you can imagine, it can get pretty bad. TO BE CONTINUED...

Stress, ... It Adds Up

I've written here about stress and stress management a lot over the past year. I've studied a lot, we all experience it a lot, and most of the clients I work with come in because stress has made their lives more difficult in a variety of ways. As you may or may not know the different stresses that we have in our life add up over time in the toll that it takes on our health, emotions, thinking, relationships, and overall happiness. Sometimes, we're not even aware of how much of it we deal with. For example, we could be working in a job that we enjoy and do well, yet it is still stressful. If you have a job, you deal with stress (and if you don't, well that's pretty stressful too!). And unless you do something to manage it, and get it out of your system, then over time it builds up. If you have problems in an important relationship, have concerns about finances (and who doesn't nowadays?!), are a parent, may be going to school, have an illness or a family member who has one, and are dealing with any other stressful situation, then stress is piling up on you. Now, if this stuff has been going on for years, and you add any significant losses, or even positive (but stressful) experiences then it could lead to problems for you. Many years ago I learned about The Social Readjustment Rating Scale which assigns a number value to the various stresses in life. You add up the amount of stress you've experienced over the year, and you can compute what you're up against. Now if you haven't been handling it well for several years then the situation gets worse. Also, that Scale doesn't include the effects of war, terrorist attacks, or any of the more recent societal problems in the daily news that influence us.




The point is that you will be effected. The first signs to look for can include insomnia, fatigue, digestive upset, restlessness, increased alcohol/drug/tobacco use, anxiety, nightmares, bad temper, depression, worrying, intolerance, isolation, resentment, loneliness, distrust, nagging, lowered sex drive, spacing out, negative self-talk, boredom, poor concentration, low productivity, forgetfulness, muscle aches, and on and on. If you are noticing these things in yourself, do something about it (I have some suggestions below). If you allow this to continue, then you'll start to see more severe symptoms. For example: headaches, colds and other immune system problems, irritable bowel syndrome, rashes, ulcers, high blood pressure, accident proneness, problems on the job, etc. It could get bad.




Here are some things that you can, and should do to prevent this from happening to you (and medicines tend to be a temporary fix). Exercise. Vacation (and for more than a long weekend). Play. Socialize. Improve personal relationships. Start a hobby. Relax. This is important, for you and your family. So if you can't make it happen, get some help.

PSYCH 101: Dysthymic Disorder

I don't like labeling people. My preference is for using labels, or diagnoses (that I'll be discussing in Psych 101), to describe collections of behaviors and/or thinking (and feeling) patterns, and/or ways of relating to people, that interfere with ones pursuit of a happy life. My way of thinking about this helps guide my Cognitive-Behavioral treatment approach. In Psych 101 I won't focus so much on the origins of the bad habits/patterns, though I am very familiar with them. My focus will be explaining the diagnosis, as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV-TR), and offer some suggestions about treatment, the way I would do it.



"Dysthymic Disorder [is described as] a chronically depressed mood that occurs for most of the day more days than not for at least two years. In children the mood may be irritable, instead of depressed" for at least a year. I describe it as a mild depression (as opposed to a major depression), and it can influence sleep, appetite, energy level, self-esteem, cause poor concentration, difficulty making decisions, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, negativity, pessimism, and self-isolation. Sounds pretty bad. It feels bad too.



Treatment can be successful without the use of medication, though I often suggest the use of St. John's Wort (a tea/herb) along with counseling. Recovery from Dysthymic Disorder can be difficult because it requires changing certain thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns at a time that the person is feeling low energy and motivation, feelings of helplessness and pessimism. And, as you know, habits are hard to break. You have to push yourself. Take a small step to start, and be persistent. It helps to have a support system, even though you don't want to be around people. Socialize, exercise, find other activities that distract you from the depressed thoughts and feelings. Learn to balance the negative thinking with positive thoughts and optimism. Often the feelings are triggered by unresolved grief. Explore that possibility, and commit to resolving those feelings of loss (and associated anger, guilt, and sadness) by talking and/or writing about them. The biggest culprit, I think, of triggering the depression is an overload of stress. Examine the sources of stress in your life, and control it better. You know my feeling about this. If happiness is not a part of your life you have got to fix that. If you suffer from Dysthymic Disorder, try some of the things I suggest here (also see my MENTAL NOTES blog of March 4, 2007, "Curing Depression...").

Managing School Stress (Back-To-School Lesson 3)

If you think back you may find that school was not particularly stressful for you. If it wasn't, then probably there were at least some days, or certain grades you were in, that were more stressful than others. Whether it was the year that you had that 'bad' teacher, or the time your best friend in school moved away, or the week that your sibling was sick and you worried a lot ending up with poor grades and getting into trouble (and nobody knew why). Normal events. Now throw in the occasional fear that the class bully might somehow find his way to you, or the worry that the air raid siren (today's "school lockdown" rehearsal) might really mean that we are under attack. Especially since there was typically no explanation (by anyone) why, who,nor how we would be attacked. But I somehow felt safer hiding under my desk, and felt joyous, breathing a sigh of relief when the "all clear" signal sounded.

There is no doubt that there are many aspects of going to school daily that can cause your child stress. Most kids (now and then) roll with the punches. They deal with the situation and move on. How can you tell when your child is having difficulty managing school-related stress? Well, sometimes you can and sometimes you can't (until big problems develop; see my blog postings in April on Childhood Stress). If your relationship with your child is strong enough then you likely know what areas your child struggles with. But if your kid is getting into trouble, having problems maintaining his grades, is angry much of the time (especially after school), is getting sick, or talking about reasons not to go to school, then they are not handling their school stress well. And yelling at them, or punishing them can make the problem worse. Or you can help fix the problem, and prevent future problems.

-CONTINUED-

I would say that the most important stress management tool that your child can have is a loving relationship with you. Your child will feel more secure, more confident, and see you as a resource to get help when they need it. Rather than avoid you because you blame them. Very important also is good nutrition and exercise. Breakfast is necessary. Cut down on fast foods, sweets, and white carbs (pizza, donuts, pasta, etc.). And they need regular physical exercise. Not the virtual exercise kids get playing football or basketball video games. Overweight kids tend to have more stressful school lives. Help your child learn problem-solving skills, and conflict resolution strategies. Of course, they learn best from good role models. Teach them to be optimistic, to think positively, and of the value of hard work. Also teach them what stress is, how it effects them, and how to manage it better. And finally, make your home a place for him to look forward to being, rather than a place to avoid. Manage the stress in your home so it can be a place that your children (and you) can get rejuvenated, feel safe, and feel loved.

A Happy Marriage Helps Relieve Stress (#2 in the series on Stress Management)

It's true. And, as you probably know, a bad marriage makes stress worse. A partner who expresses their love by being appreciative of you, attentive, and considerate of your needs helps you feel more confident, and in control of your life. Too much stress makes our lives feel out of control. We need to have at least one area of our life that is predictible, safe, and where we are acknowledged as being valuable and important. Our home should be that place. When an individual that you love makes a personal commitment to loving you and sharing their life with you, it makes everything else better. Friendships are great for this reason too. However, after 'doing battle' all day in a stressful world, coming home to a loving hug helps rejuvenate you. Lets you know that the daily stresses you experience are NOT what's most important about your life. Love and happiness are. So if you are in a relationship that is not working, that's adding stress rather than relieving it, MAKE A CHANGE. Make peace. Don't take your partner for granted. Don't let things (between you two) bother you so much. Stop making the same mistakes of communication. Listen more. Forgive more. When a problem arises, act as if you are both on the same side to solve it, even if you have differing views. Pay attention to your partners' feelings, even more than their words. And acknowledge some of the good things about them (don't just keep pointing out the negatives). Show your love to your partner in everything you do with them (even when you're angry). Say 'I love you' as much as possible.

Managing Stress At The Job (first in a series on Stress Management)

Everyone that works has some job stress. We typically get used to it, but it still takes its toll on you. Depending on how well you manage it it can have negative effects on your health, relationships, and happiness. Some amount of stress helps you perform better. But since the effects of stress are cumulative, if you don't take care of yourself it will hurt you. Much of what we experience at work may not be under our control. Let's assume that if you could you would be working in the job that you enjoy, making the money you need, with people you like, as near (or far away from) your home as you prefer, and sufficiently challenging (or not). And I would encourage you to seek out a work setting with as many of these features as possible. Happiness on the job helps with stress management. My preference is to focus on the individual effected by the stress, and strongly recommend that you take the following measures to protect yourself from the harmful effects of stress. Exercise; use your vacation time; Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work (and read the book, of the same title, by Richard Carlson, Ph.D); take your lunch time, away from the job if possible, and eat something healthy (drinking water throughout the day helps too); change how you relate to your annoying coworker or boss, that will cause them to change how they relate to you; be aware that if you are getting VERY emotional about a stressful situation at work, likely it's related to some unresolved personal issue you should address; and don't forget to BREATHE!! More on that later.