Thursday, April 2, 2009

An Open Letter To Rihanna and Chris Brown

I would have written sooner, but in addition to the sadness I felt about your situation, I was angry. Rather than judging your struggle to manage your relationship, I wanted to write something that would be helpful to you (and my readers). I counsel people in troubled relationships, as well as people with anger problems. If you two are going to stay together you have got a lot of work to do.


I've known of a lot of explainations for why people tolerate domestic violence, or other forms of abuse. There are theories that suggest that childhood experiences set the stage for giving or receiving violence. My advice is for you to grow up. You can grow beyond those experiences. And, you can get the help that you need to learn to communicate in a loving caring way, including to resolve conflict. If you do love each other, as you say you do, then act like it. (By the way, this goes for those of you who think it's OK to beat your kids. You need to learn to communicate with them better also, even when their behavior frustrates you.)

So Chris, is this you being a man? You get mad so you feel that you can beat your woman? Come on brother. And where is all of the cool that you display, and "man-ness" you represent to the kids who idolize you when you walk out on the stage to perform? Is it ALL an act? You were angry. I get it. Sorry, that's no excuse.


Rihanna, you present as a strong, together, model of womanhood. Don't fail yourself, and the girls and women who look up to you. Taking abuse or any form of mistreatment is not love. No. You, nor anyone, deserves to be punished like that. I don't know if this is the first time this has happened to you, but believe me, it will happen again (and again) if you don't make some changes. Now.


I'm told that you guys are taking a break from each other. Good. Usually as the wounds heal and the memory fades, people resume their same relationship habits. DO NOT go back to what you had. Get it right.

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