BEWARE HOLIDAY STRESS...

I talk (and write) a lot about managing stress. And by now you know the reason for that, which is that it can contribute to problems with health, relationships, and just about any other aspect of your life. I think that a lot of people are not as prepared as they should be for the stress that comes with the holidays. I want to help with that. I do love these holidays for a lot of reasons, mainly because it's an opportunity to celebrate. But we are all affected by the stress that can accompany the "good time." Thanksgiving for example. A time for us to "give thanks". If you are unhappy in your life, the holiday can tend to emphasize that there seems to be very little to be thankful for. Christmas too. Everyone's supposed to be happy, sing songs, and give gifts. Aside from the annoying over-commercialization of the holiday, if things are not going your way its hard to feel the Spirit. So, the answer is to take these holidays as an opportunity to escape reality (which I rarely suggest), and enjoy.

I know, easier said than done. Let me talk more about some of the specific stresses of the holidays, and make some suggestions about how to handle them. For example, a big issue for some people is getting together with family to "celebrate." Somehow these gatherings become a time to relive some of the old family drama. Not fun to look forward to, and not fun to live through. You've got to have some kind of family truce for the holiday. Plan this before hand, because once in action, the family "forces" are sometimes too strong to resist. Just be aware if the conversation starts heading towards a sensitive topic, change the subject; or take that time to go get yourself some cider. All you can really do is control your role in it.

You may not have the opportunity to avoid holiday family scuffles because you don't have any family around. Find friends to spend the time with. Do something fun! Another stressful situation that some people deal with is spending these holidays without a loved one who's been lost. Holiday times tend to trigger memories of family celebrations, and emphasize the absence of someone you spent past holidays with. Try not to focus on their absence (though it makes sense to acknowledge the sadness, but not to dwell on it), but focus more on the enjoyable memory. Use old photos to stir up those memories. Smile. The idea is to take these opportunities to be happy about family and friends. Give Thanks even.... 

Take this time to be more tolerant of people, more forgiving, less angry. Stress tends to make people less patient and tolerant.  Be mindful of this, and actively work to maintain your inner peace.  This will help relieve your stress in a big way. Whatever your religious or non-religious persuasion this is a good time to focus on the positive aspects of the Season, and live the Spirit. 

 

NO MORE HOLIDAY DRAMA!

In preparation for Labor Day I thought it important to revisit this very important topic. I have written about it before (see my posting of 10/25/09, Drama Is A Drug), but believe it or not there continues to be so much unnecessary drama.  So I want to start a movement.  Let there be NO DRAMA on holidays.  This is good because holidays are supposed to be a time for celebration, relaxation, and fun.  It's the time of the year that family and friends get together to enjoy each other. And this is the beginning of holiday season. Unfortunately some of the worst, most dramatic drama happens at these gatherings.  One of the reasons for that is because old family issues resurface, and we can tend to act like angry, entitled teenagers.  Let's plan to break that pattern.  


Let's start this Labor Day.  Many of us are going to have picnics or barbecue and have people over.  Let them all know that there will be no arguments, no putting others down, no gossip (even about people who are not there), no pointing out mistakes that people make or weird outfits (or hairdos) that they have.  And this definitely applies to the kids.  Don't bring up their past behavior problems, school issues, or even chastise them in front of other people.  Also emphasize to them that they're not to bring any drama either, or they won't be able to share in the fun.


Some people may need reminders, because the real Drama Kings and Queens may not even be aware of how much drama they bring.  In fact, you should have a special chat with them before the gathering. And, if someone can't contain their drama after several private reminders, you may have to ask them to leave.  


At the end of the day you will feel less stressed (these gatherings are stressful enough without unnecessary problems).  You and your guests will have had a much more enjoyable time.  Everyone will look forward to the next holiday to spend together.