MAKE ROOM FOR OPTIMISM

I have written about optimism and positive thinking before (see How About A Little More Positivity...1/1/11; When Life Gives You Lemons, 8/28/08; The Glass Is Not Empty, 3/11/08), so I'll try not to be repetitive.  However there are some subjects that need to be revisited from time to time.  If we don't take a few minutes to reflect on certain ideas, they can easily be lost.  In the case of positive thinking it seems there's a lot of things fighting against it DAILY!  Not only in our personal lives, but all around us.  And the media and internet often treats negativity and the sad events in the world like entertainment.  Serving it up to us 24/7/365.


You have got to make room for optimism, or you can't help but get depressed.  We need to find things to smile about, that make us feel good. things that make all of our hard work living from day-to-day, worth it.  I don't mean to live in denial.  Yes, there is bad stuff going on in the world.  Force yourself to acknowledge the good things in your life also.  Allow yourself to expect good outcomes, and you'll have more of them.  It's not magic (though it can feel magical).


When you are optimistic you are happier.  You tend to consider more choices as possible, and thereby have more successes.  And it's not that you're making things up to be positive about, there are actual things in the world, in your life, to be positive about.  So make room for it.

The Glass Is Not Empty (reprinted from 3/11/2008)

As you know, I like to look at the glass as being half full, rather than half empty. I am an optimist. I want to focus on what I've got, rather than what I don't. Think positive. That's me. Nowadays that gets difficult. In addition to my Miami Heat losing all the time, there's been some really bad things happening in the world lately. First of all, the war, the bad economy, and the other things that need to be fixed in our country, seem to be taken for granted. That's sad. Also very sad is that people are leaving their houses, maybe to go to a Wendy's, meeting misfortune, and never returning home. And college students are going to class, and randomly being shot dead. I'm sorry that this brings you down. It makes me sad too. Unfortunately, there's too many of these stories, daily. How do you keep from getting depressed about this state of affairs? How do you stay positive and optimistic when there's so much sadness that we seem to have no control over?

I think that part of the answer is that we have to make happiness happen in our lives, daily. Make the relationships work that are supposed to be loving and happy. Stop tolerating behavior from people that is unacceptable (this includes family and friends). Do good things, big and small. The fact is that there is actually more good happening in the world than there is bad. The bad gets more publicity, and bombards us daily through the media. But there is good out there, even close to us. See it. Feel it. At least be aware of the good stuff enough to balance out the bad. After all, the good is really more important and meaningful than the bad. If you can't allow yourself to see that the glass really is half full, at least acknowledge that it's not totally empty.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE MORE POSITIVITY THIS YEAR?

Elevate your level of Positivity! Really. That's one of my goals this year. And I am sure that this will increase my success and happiness this year. Yours too (I mean, if you do it). Now, as you know I'm already a pretty positive person. And I do feel that I've reaped some of the benefits of that. But there is always room for improvement. By Positivity, I mean, in what we think, say and do. It mostly includes optimism (anticipating good outcomes in the future), positive thinking (focusing more on the good things in life, ie. seeing the glass as half full, rather than half-empty), and hope (a general sense that we can be happy in our lives). The cost of doing this is minimal, and the benefits are enormous.


Optimism about the future is the opposite of worrying about what's going to happen. When you anticipate positive outcomes you live life more confidently, more assertively. For example, if you are optimistic about the outcome of a job interview, or a new relationship, you tend to be more relaxed, more self-assured, and ultimately more successful. What you focus on tends to play itself out in your life. I am not suggesting that you walk around in denial, and have unrealistic expectations. However, you can at least balance your thoughts of the negative possibilities with thoughts of positive opportunities. Little to lose, and lots to gain.


Positive Thinking is taking note of the positive things in life, at least as much as you give attention to negative things in life. When offered the choice of focusing on the fullness of "the glass" (ie. half empty or half full), we often tend to focus on what's missing. For example, our kids come home with A's, B's and C's on their report card, and we spend more time chastising them for the A's they didn't get, rather than showing our appreciation for the A's they did earn. It has become our nature. When it's cold we miss the heat, and when it's hot we complain and wish it were cooler. Of course I exaggerate. But there are at least as many positive things about life, as there are negative. I know some of the negatives seem to take over our lives sometimes, and it usually has more drama associated with it. But the positives about ourselves and the people we care about, will enhance our lives and relationships. It will help us appreciate the people and things that we have, as opposed to missing, and yearning for the things (and relationships) that we don't have. There's a lot of happiness to gain from that.


Overall, I see hope as the most valuable asset. It seems to me to be a deeper, more spiritual level of positivity. It includes positive thinking and optimism about life in general and what to expect for the future. Hope is knowing that goodness is right, and that what is right will ultimately win out. So, for example, the wars that we shouldn't be fighting will end. People who are hungry will be able to eat. It requires a bit of denial, so we can continue to expect that the bad times will pass. A lot of people deal with hopelessness. Do not stay there too long. THERE ARE THINGS TO BE HOPEFUL ABOUT. Have some friends help you figure that out, even if you've had some losses.

Elevating your level of positivity this year will elevate your life.

When Life Gives You Lemons,... Make Lemonade

This is important, but not always easy to do. When life seems to be going sour (lemons), it does help to try changing your perspective to sweeten it up some (lemonade). So this is similar to positive thinking, and optimism, which you know I like to talk about. However, this is more along the lines of acknowledging and accepting the raw deal that we sometimes get dealt, but not allowing it to keep us down. Not allowing that to crowd out some legitimate good stuff that is also happening, and focusing more on that (yeah, I guess it is a lot like positive thinking). Here's an example....


We went on vacation last week. The "sour" part was the airline cancellations and delays, including an unscheduled overnight in Houston. At the same time worry about where Fay was going to hit. Do you ever notice that when you've been overstressed, and head out for a relaxing vacation, the stress takes a while to leave? Making the early part of the vacation less enjoyable (sour). So you need to schedule vacations that are long enough to have the relaxing effect that you need. Anyway, the whole week could have been soured by this turn of events. My daughter helped by texting me, "well at least you 2 are together." That was enough for me to take a look at what I do have, rather than focus on what I didn't have, and gradually change my sour mood. And that's how it can work for you. Don't just sit with the lemons and let them weigh you down. Squeeze them, add sugar, maybe water, and throw some ice in it. Sweet. Really, here's how it can actually work to lift your mood. Focus more on the here and now, in my case it was focusing on the person that I was with and appreciating the relationship we have, even though things around us were ugly. Also, you can consider less enjoyable situations that you've been in, and how good your situation is compared to that. For example, "I'm on vacation, not work" (and not in a hurricane).



So the point is to not let yourself stay in a negative place for too long. Except, sometimes it's hard to realize that you can get yourself unstuck. A good reason to have people in your life who can do or say the right thing to lift your spirits.