Managing School Stress (Back-To-School Lesson 3)

If you think back you may find that school was not particularly stressful for you. If it wasn't, then probably there were at least some days, or certain grades you were in, that were more stressful than others. Whether it was the year that you had that 'bad' teacher, or the time your best friend in school moved away, or the week that your sibling was sick and you worried a lot ending up with poor grades and getting into trouble (and nobody knew why). Normal events. Now throw in the occasional fear that the class bully might somehow find his way to you, or the worry that the air raid siren (today's "school lockdown" rehearsal) might really mean that we are under attack. Especially since there was typically no explanation (by anyone) why, who,nor how we would be attacked. But I somehow felt safer hiding under my desk, and felt joyous, breathing a sigh of relief when the "all clear" signal sounded.

There is no doubt that there are many aspects of going to school daily that can cause your child stress. Most kids (now and then) roll with the punches. They deal with the situation and move on. How can you tell when your child is having difficulty managing school-related stress? Well, sometimes you can and sometimes you can't (until big problems develop; see my blog postings in April on Childhood Stress). If your relationship with your child is strong enough then you likely know what areas your child struggles with. But if your kid is getting into trouble, having problems maintaining his grades, is angry much of the time (especially after school), is getting sick, or talking about reasons not to go to school, then they are not handling their school stress well. And yelling at them, or punishing them can make the problem worse. Or you can help fix the problem, and prevent future problems.

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I would say that the most important stress management tool that your child can have is a loving relationship with you. Your child will feel more secure, more confident, and see you as a resource to get help when they need it. Rather than avoid you because you blame them. Very important also is good nutrition and exercise. Breakfast is necessary. Cut down on fast foods, sweets, and white carbs (pizza, donuts, pasta, etc.). And they need regular physical exercise. Not the virtual exercise kids get playing football or basketball video games. Overweight kids tend to have more stressful school lives. Help your child learn problem-solving skills, and conflict resolution strategies. Of course, they learn best from good role models. Teach them to be optimistic, to think positively, and of the value of hard work. Also teach them what stress is, how it effects them, and how to manage it better. And finally, make your home a place for him to look forward to being, rather than a place to avoid. Manage the stress in your home so it can be a place that your children (and you) can get rejuvenated, feel safe, and feel loved.