Summer "School" (reposted)

There are so many ways to make this an enriching summer for your kids, it's not funny. But you can relax and have fun with it. I have written about this before (see my postings: Summer Play School, 5/11/08; School's Out Soon, What To Do, 5/20/07), that you can use the summer months off from school to help your child learn some things that they didn't get during the normal school year. This can include practice or remedial work in specific school subjects that they didn't do well in (or even moving ahead academically in preparation for the upcoming school year). You can help them learn behavioral skills, like organization, study skills, impulse control, focus and concentration. You can help them improve their social/emotional development, IE. anger management, personal responsibility, empathy, self-esteem, unresolved grief work. And even though these are serious concerns, they (and you) can have fun with it. I develop these types of plans with families that I work with. But you can do it on your own. Get creative. Be patient.


Teenagers can be the most difficult to "trick" into learning something you want them to learn. It is best to collaborate with them on their personal growth "project." They'll appreciate you respecting their input, and be less inclined to fight you on it. In fact, you can let them take the lead, after you agree on the goals. This also gives you an opportunity to improve communication between you two, without the additional stress of school (IE. school expectations and responsibilities). Pre-teens and younger children can be easier, as "play" is a primary mode of functioning for them. You will be more effective gaining their participation if it's in play mode. For young and old children, rewards that are meaningful TO THEM will facilitate your success.



By the end of the summer, be sure to acknowledge your child's efforts, emphasizing the progress they've made. Celebrate them. Then develop the goals, plans and rewards for the upcoming school year. The time and energy that you put into it beforehand will help minimize the frustrations that you both experience during the year. The summer break should be a time away from the demands of school for you and your child. It is also an opportunity for you both.

School's Out Soon. What To Do...

The happiest day of my life used to be the last day of school. I can't be specific, but I'm sure I learned a lot during my summer vacations, mostly in Cape May, New Jersey (much different than summer in NY City). Plan some of what you want your children to learn this summer, and structure it. For example, if your child's had difficulty calling out in class (or other attention seeking), have them practice controlling that impulse at home a few times per week . And make it rewarding. If he can sit in the kitchen (maybe while you're doing something there), for 30 minutes (two 15 minute segments) and practice raising his hand and waiting for you to 'call' on him, he gets a special privilege. Let him practice relaxation breathing (see my post of 3/1/11, Take A Moment... Breathe...) to learn to control his impulses during this exercise.

There are a lot of things our kids can learn during this time off. In addition to reading, and practicing math problems (for a few minutes daily), you can help them learn good studying habits, less defiance, controlling whining and tantrums, to eat more healthily, improve social skills. I know, it's not sounding like fun, yet. These practice sessions can be fun for the child, especially if you're practicing your new and improved 'special rewards' system(s). But your fun really comes when you are less stressed by not getting phone calls from her teachers, or improved grades, better behavior, your child's improved self-esteem. If there are particularly stubborn bad behavior habits that you and your child haven't had time to address during the busy school year, now's the time to get some help with it. In some cases kids who have been working on issues in counseling during the school year, take a vacation from the work during the summer. Often the old habits return when school (and the school stress) starts again. By all means, the summer break should be an enjoyable time for your family, use it wisely.

Plan Your Summer (Now)

Isn't it time you took a vacation? Or planted that garden? Or even got in touch with that relative that you've been angry at, and agree to forgive and forget? Hey, maybe it's time to check on your progress with those New Year's resolutions that you made a few months ago. Recently, there's been a lot of things to feel bad about. Of course you could get into a negative head. DON'T DO IT!! [see my posting of 3/11/08, The Glass Is Not Empty] Use this summer to do something good for yourself.


For example, for the past couple of years I've suggested that parents plan a summer in which they work with their kids on overcoming an obstacle, or developing a skill (Summer Play School, 5/11/08; School's Out, What To Do, 5/20/07). How about we all choose something to work on this summer. PLEASE take my word for it, some small change, for a few weeks can have long lasting, beneficial results. Here are some examples...

1. Let's say, you're a smoker. You know it's not good for you, but you like it. How about you see if you can survive for 30 days, smoking 1 less cigarette per day. So if you smoke a pack-a-day, try smoking 1 less per day (19 instead of 20) for a month. In about 3 weeks you'll have saved a pack's worth (about $5?). If you can reduce 1 more cigarette (per day) per month for 9 more months, you'll be down to 1/2 a pack-a-day. At that point you could just enjoy feeling more energy (maybe less coughing and throat irritation, improved skin tone, etc.), or decide about quitting completely.



2. If you're trying to drop some weight, like me, then perhaps you can use these next 2 months to experiment with some eating, and/or exercise changes. Make a goal of losing 1 pound per week. That's a good small step. 10 pounds by September 1. Then decide if the diet/exercise change is too much to maintain. If not, you could be down 20 lbs. by the end of November. Down 25 lbs. by the end of the year.



3. You know how important I think stress management is (Stress, It Adds Up, 9/28/08; Take A Moment, ..Breathe, 10/10/07; A Happy Marriage..., 6/25/07 ; Managing Stress At The Job, 3/16/07) Try something new to manage your stress for the summer. Keep a journal and see what ideas come to you about getting unstuck in an area of your life (see The "Jump Start Your Life" Plan..., 2/6/09).



4. Have a Summer Date Night once a week.



5. Take a computer course.

Take the opportunity this summer to do something different, fun, and life enhancing...